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Women of today have more responsibilities than ever, and we’re expected to excel in every role. This is just not realistically possible. We are expected to be great wives or girlfriends, great employees, and a support system to friends and family. And that’s while practicing self-care , mindfulness, and still being able to make time for that Saturday brunch and outings to show that we haven’t completely lost ourselves. Now, if we choose to become mothers, the strain of it all is further compounded . Many of us are the primary caretakers for the children, maintain the household, the family schedule, and work outside the home. All we pray for is a fifteen-minute nap that our toddlers won’t let us have, because someone needs a third cup of chocolate milk. Forget about the ability to use the bathroom alone without someone trying to bulldoze the door. You will not have that peace for a couple of years. I understand that all these things are part of being a member of a family, community, and society, but there is a clear imbalance of emotional labor and responsibilities inside and outside the home , weighing heaviest on women. This puts us at a disadvantage and leaves us to carry the brunt of the work. It also increases the risk for mental health issues, because women were never meant to do this much labor alone. Unfortunately in many homes, while dad is resting after his day job, mom is running circles around him after her long day out in the workforce and coming home to fulfill almost all the responsibilities of taking care of her family. These are the moments when I get a burning desire to scream “Fire,” just so that I can snuff the enjoyment out of his rest. I want to draw attention to the fact that he can stop dreaming about whatever is making him smile and extend some help. Then, we have to deal with the Judgmental Judys who always need to comment about other people’s personal parental choices. They question our choice between breast milk or formula. They judge whether we choose to be medicated or unmediated during childbirth—I mean the list goes on and on. Okay Judgy Judy , you should be happy that I fed the kid or that it came out healthy but nooooo, you need to tell me about all the developmental issues that people who don’t breastfeed or people who labor medicated can cause their children. Then we have the single-married moms . Quite the oxymoron, but it is a real status that so many women go through resulting in resentment, anger, and sometimes depression. It would almost feel better to be a single parent , rather than lugging dead weight or feeling that you’re you’re mothering someone who isn’t your child. This can sometimes be repaired if the work is put in by both individuals to change the dynamics, but sometimes there is no room for that to happen and decisions need to be made . Some days, I am so fatigued that I would love to let my kids eat Joe’s Os and cereal bars, but my guilt will not let me get away with it. Even though I know that one day without a super healthy breakfast would not harm them, I never do it. As the person who is primarily responsible for my children’s welfare, it seems I am the only one focused on maintaining healthy habits. Why is it typically moms who care about these things? There has to be more support for women from partners. I am aware that some women are fortunate to have men who hold up their end of this partnership, but for the most part, many women are not so fortunate. Thankfully, there is a massive shift happening where women are exposing the behavior, excuses, and weaponized incompetence of partners to have the important conversations. They are also educating young women and encouraging them to ask the tough questions that can prevent future heartbreak if all parties are honest. So to anyone overwhelmed by motherhood, work, and friendships among so many other things, know you are not alone. I had a good cry in the bathroom at work three days ago, took a mental health day yesterday, and I am now ready to go back to work. Let it out ladies. Have an ugly cry if you need to, take a couple of breaths and hopefully, you find comfort in conversation with a friend or professional therapist. Try to get a fifteen-minute nap and get yourself a snack. (Photo, Getty Images)

On the Staten Island Ferry Weekends are for family, so what are your plans for this weekend? It’s late fall, but I am still thinking of our summer adventures. The irony is that summer is my least favorite season, but with two children, it has become so much more fun. Having a daughter with severe motion sickness restricted us to the boroughs so here are a few of our summer adventures in NYC. Trekking to the Staten Island Zoo on the Staten Island Ferry . If you haven’t been, it’s worth it. It has its own aura that feels peaceful and truly family-oriented. Brooklyn Children’s Museum . One of my daughters’ favorite places to go all year round. A visit to Coney Island. She went on almost every ride at Deno’s Wonder Wheel Amusement Park . For a kid with severe car sickness, I was amazed how excited she was to try almost every ride. A ferry ride to dumbo that included ice cream from Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory and a not so successful attempt to get on Jane’s Carousel —it was a royal shit show. Our first baseball game at Yankee Stadium . The Medieval Festival at Fort Tyron Park with a visit to The Met Cloisters . And the most frequent of all, visits to our neighborhood park almost every day, rain or shine. I miss summer as we plan for a more relatively chill weekend. It’s looking like a museum kind of day tomorrow with a visit to Nana’s house on Sunday. What did your summer look like?

I celebrated another year around the sun two days ago. I like to enjoy a quiet birthday with a simple bath and some self-reflection. Birthdays are what I like to call my personal New Year. But Instead, this year, I spent it schlepping the kids to school with the help of the sitter, purchased a new dress, a new pair of shoes, a toy for each of my girls and some items to make Halloween costumes. I then ran home to meet with a friend to give her clothes my girls have outgrown and baked my cake. I then went back to pick up my girls. This was way too much for a day that was supposed to be about self-reflection and relaxation. Nonetheless, the self-reflection started early so I was really able to evaluate my successes and my missteps. I am grateful to be able to live in this beautiful country despite everything going on politically and socially. I am thankful for my health even though I have suffered with fibromyalgia for most of my life. I am thankful for my children , friends, and my mother who has been at my side for so many years . I have taken stock of where I am in my life and where I aspire to be. I am working on my one-year, three-year and five-year goals, and I am creating a plan on how to execute each one of my goals. As we know, a goal without a plan is a wish and that is not a world I wish to exist in. Having clear goals makes a world of difference. I was told as a kid, to be specific in your requests, and that is exactly what I plan on doing. Photo from Frank Warsaw /Instagram

If anything speaks to my soul and my life, it is the two phrases “Breathe” and “Stay Present.” It is not always easy to accomplish, but I live by these rules. As a mom of two under four, working a part-time job and in school full time, maintaining my sanity is crucial . Like many moms these days who have so much going on, it is important to make the best of these twenty-four hours—while still getting some sleep of course. This weekend, I am organizing my apartment . Sharing a moderately sized apartment —by NYC standards—with three other people is quite a lot. So I will be doing quite a bit of breathing while trying to clean, yet keep two little people entertained. So as many of you do your Saturday cleaning, take time to breathe and try to stay present in your body and with your families. Have a wonderful weekend. Photo of sketch from the booklet “What to do if you experience: Emotional Stress or Burnout” courtesy of Baruch College Counseling Center Staff 2019, with special thanks and credit to Jordan Alam for her inspiration

Last weekend, we did the 3.5 hour drive to Brooklyn to see family and friends. As always, the girls were happy to see Nana and have dinner. We couldn’t have asked for better weather. While driving to meet our friends at the splash pad at Prospect Park, I felt a tinge of nostalgia. Eastern Parkway was filled with people taking their morning strolls and running errands. In that moment, I missed the walkability of NYC. We drove past Jungle Juice Cafe which always seems to have a line on weekends for their many offerings. Jungle Juice Café - Crown Heights Brooklyn Then went straight over to Banh Mi Place to order our favorite banh mi sandwiches that have managed to not increase in price since we moved. Same great staff and service and a wonderful place to try out if you’re near the Brooklyn Museum or in the northeast side of Crown Heights. Banh Mi Palace - Vietnamese Restaurant We drove past the Grand Army Plaza Market which we used to enjoy going to some Saturdays. It’s always a vibrant and lively place to be at since it is at the north entrance of Prospect Park . Grand Army Plaza Market We made it to the southern tip near LeFrak Center at Lakeside , which transforms from skating rink in the winter to a splash pad in the summer. The girls were swimsuit ready and excited to see one of their oldest friends. After about two hours of fun in the water and sun, we made our way to a park nearby and continued our play date. We were not ready to leave Brooklyn, but we had to start our drive back home. It took about thirty minutes and some food for the girls to be completely knocked out. When your kid who never naps sleeps for one and a half hours, you know it was a great day. Looking forward to the next visit. Until next time Brooklyn.

I love clean clothes, but I hate doing laundry. When I say I hate doing laundry. I mean it from the bottom of my soul which is exactly where all my laundry belongs. I’d rather watch paint dry, because every time I see a full laundry basket of clothes, my soul assumes the fetal position on said bathroom floor.  For the last two weeks, I had a pile of clean laundry sitting in one corner of my bedroom floor waiting to be folded, because I simply did not have the time or energy to do it. I know so many of us have been there, and that is okay from time to time, but we don’t want to make that a habit. Otherwise, this is where things can get out of control. So, here are some laundry strategies that might help if you don’t like doing laundry or just hate it. This strategy is also for people who have to go out to a laundromat, because let’s be real, we do not all have washer dryers at home. 1. Schedule laundry around your routine Now that I have a washer dryer at home, I can easily throw in a load while I do things like cooking or doing an activity with the kids. For people who have to go out, incorporate laundry on a day when you can really allocate the time to make it happen. I strongly encourage once a week whether you’re single or a larger family. 2. Fold right away The most important part after the washer and dryer have done their job is to fold immediately after. There is the temptation sometimes that you will get to it tomorrow, but I encourage you to do it while it’s warm. Plus who doesn’t enjoy the feeling of warm laundry. 3. Do smaller loads The sight of a big pile of laundry can be so discouraging, so you can try doing a load every two days if you have a washer dryer at home. For the laundromat crew, I would still say once a week, because that can be a whole event, but if possible, try twice a week. This can help you feel less overwhelmed and make laundry part of your normal routine. 4. Use baskets  There are a few things I refuse to fold, especially for my kids. I do not fold my kids’ pajamas, but simply throw it in a basket. We also have baskets for underwear and socks, which they have to match themselves. You can opt out of matching socks quite honestly. As long as the right size goes to the right person, the will figure it out. It also doesn’t matter how many people I watch who beautifully fold underwear and socks, I will never be that person. I fold the things that need folding. 5. Get the kids involved Kids need to learn how to be responsible for their things in small ways. Yesterday, I handed my 8 year old daughter a small pile of dresses and some hangers and asked that she arrange it. She did an excellent job. They also help with the sorting of laundry sometimes and my younger daughter also helps in the matching of the socks. It may seem like something small, but it is a great way to get them involved. The less complicated the better it is for those of us who like clean clothes, but altogether do not like this process. Maybe one day, we will actually enjoy doing laundry, but for now, let's do what is needed to keep our families clean.

NY Botanical Gardens/ Yayoi Kusama Polka Dot Exhibit Summer camp was always a part of our lives in NYC. My girls took part in the Trailblazers Day Camp at Prospect Park  in Brooklyn for about three summers and they loved it. But this summer, we decided for the second time to keep them out of summer camp, while I take control of their daily activities. Last year, we had no camp out of necessity, We moved to upstate NY right before the 4th of July. This time was crucial, because I wanted to make sure that they were acclimating well to their new home, rather than throwing them into a new environment with strangers. But this year, I decided that we are going to explore the great outdoors and go on wild adventures that will engage them in nature, the arts, music, education and every other way I can think of. As I continue to build our calendar, I have come up with a simple system on what our days will look like inserting the big plans where needed. Here's our plan that balances activities, learning, and relaxation: Morning: 8:00 AM - Breakfast and Brain Warm-up - Have a nutritious breakfast together. - Start with a brain teaser or a quick puzzle to get their minds engaged. 8:30 AM - Get Ready - Brush teeth and get dressed - Fix beds and pick up things off bedroom floors 9:00 AM - Outdoor Activity - Head to a nearby park for some outdoor play. - Activities: Outdoor play, soccer, tag, or simply exploring nature (hiking). 11:00 AM - Arts and Crafts - Come back indoors for a creative session. - Activities: Painting, drawing, making simple crafts with paper or recycled materials. Midday: 12:30 PM - Lunch - Prepare a healthy lunch together. - Take the opportunity to teach them simple cooking skills. 1:30 PM - Learning Hour - Rotate educational activities each day:   - Science Day: Conduct simple experiments    - Reading Day: Read aloud or have them read independently for 30 minutes.   - Math Day: Play math games or do fun math worksheets.   - Life Skills: basic first aid, financial management, hygiene, communication skills and more.   - Online classes: A language class and/or classes to prepare for the next grade via an online platform. 2:30 PM - Quiet time - Have some quiet time to disengage Afternoon: 3:00 PM - Indoor/Outdoor Activity - Activities: Board games, puzzles, visit to the local library, pool time, learning a new language (French for us). 4:30 PM - Free Time - Allow them some free play or relaxation time. - They can choose an activity they enjoy: reading, drawing, listening to music, play some Roblox (limit 30 to 45 mins) etc. Evening: 5:30 PM - Dinner - Another opportunity for them to help prepare a meal. - Have them set the table and encourage clean up after 6:30 PM - Family Time - Spend time together as a family. - Activities: Movie night, board games, storytelling, or a family walk. 7:30 PM - Wind Down - Start preparing for bedtime. - Quiet activities: Reading stories, listening to calming music. 8:30 PM - Bedtime - Maintain a consistent bedtime routine to ensure they get enough rest. Additional Tips: - Flexibility: Adjust the schedule based on their interests and energy levels. - Hydration: Keep them hydrated throughout the day, especially during outdoor activities. - Screen Time: Limit screen time and encourage active and creative play. - Learning Opportunities: Incorporate learning into everyday activities to keep their minds active and curious. Work on strengthening any difficulties they encountered academically throughout the school year to prepare them for the next grade. You can expand on this simple plan. The access to quaint towns, beautiful waterfalls, lakes and state parks is something to be excited about here. I want us to frolic in nature and enjoy the best of what our new town has to offer. This is the closest thing to the free spirited summers of my childhood that I can give them. Maybe next summer, we will be back at camp, but for this summer, I look forward to all the little adventures we will have and maybe we will make some friends along the way.

Have you had the unfortunate experience of getting a friend request that you should have immediately deleted? Instead, you decided to respond against your better judgment and now you’re reminiscing the past where he calls you the love of his life. You’re now wondering why it took so many years. You wanna call bullshit on it , but you keep going along with it to see how far he goes, because you're also caught up in the nostalgia. Then he proves once again why he needed to stay in the past. This was me. I know how difficult it is to let go of someone you loved, shared hopes and dreams with at one point in your life, only to have it come to an end. Here are the five things I wish I had done when my ex reached out: 1. Take a breath and evaluate my feelings. When that message popped up in my inbox, my initial reaction was a mix of surprise and curiosity. Instead of diving headfirst into responding, I should have taken a moment to breathe and evaluate how I truly felt about reconnecting with him. I thought about the outcome of the other times that he reached out to me that were not in any way productive, but totally disregarded that warning. I never to took the time to ask myself, was I emotionally ready to do this again? Do I still have unresolved feelings? Was I ready to be vulnerable with this person again? Taking stock of my emotions would have helped me approach the situation with a bit more clarity. 2. Consider the motivation behind their message. This is a big one. At the onset of our conversations, I pondered on whether he was genuinely interested in reconnecting as friends or he wanted to explore the possibility of getting back together? Or was it a moment of loneliness or nostalgia on his part? I was so caught up in the whirlwind of his presence and the fact that we both discussed exploring the possibility of a relationship, that I did not do my due diligence. I never considered whether engaging in these conversations aligned with my current life goals and my emotional well-being. I wish I had considered that a bit more before delving into that situation. 3. Trusted my gut. I allowed myself to be vulnerable with a person who said he wanted to rekindle a relationship that he thought was meant to be, but I did not do enough protect my heart. I think he enjoyed knowing that I wanted him as much as he wanted me, but the actions were not consistent. I expected some delay in communication (due to the nature of his work), but not to the extreme of what happened. At some point, I got the distinct sense that he was pulling away from me. I was no longer a priority, even though he kept reassuring me that this was not the case. I wanted to trust him, but I had to admit to myself that this was going nowhere. I was heart broken, but justified in what I felt was happening. 4. Sought perspective from trusted friends or counselors from the beginning. I kept what was happening a secret from everyone for a while. I thought it was my way of waiting to see what the outcome would be before seeking advice, but doing it earlier would have helped give me a better perspective. I had one friend who recommended walking away for reasons I can’t remember, but I chose to dismiss her thoughts. Boy was she right. She heard something I didn’t because shortly after, I had to call it quits.  5. Focus on personal growth. Receiving a message from an ex can stir up old emotions and memories. I allowed his presence to  consume my thoughts, when I should have been focusing on my personal growth. All I envisioned was a future with him thinking that’s what I needed, but instead, I needed to center my own life's journey. I needed to focus on my personal growth. Reflecting on these points, I realize that responding to an ex reaching out on Facebook is not just about the immediate conversation but also about honoring my own emotions and well-being. Each situation is unique, and taking proactive steps to understand my feelings, trust my gut, and focus on my own well-being is crucial to navigating such delicate moments with grace and clarity.

Yesterday, my daughter was practicing her anime art which she started about three weeks ago. She paused for a moment and said to me, " My brain keeps saying I need my drawing to be perfect, but I know it doesn't have to be ." That hit me like a ton of bricks, because I know I have battled with my need for perfection much of my adult life and have eliminated it from my parenting style. We talk about mistakes being good and how failing allows us to become better, but my daughter feels the need for perfection. At that moment, I thought of the many ways we seek perfection. Imperfection is where true beauty and creativity resides. Life is so often portrayed as a quest for perfection - flawless Instagram feeds, aesthetically pleasing homes, and impeccable lifestyles dominate our screens. However, in this pursuit of flawlessness, we tend to forget one essential truth: imperfection is where true beauty resides. Let's delve into the art of embracing life's messiness and discover the profound beauty that lies within imperfection. The Illusion of Perfection There is pressure to have it all together or at least look like you do, even though your world may be falling apart. That feeling is overwhelming and can even be anxiety inducing for so many. Striving to present a polished image to the world and meticulously curating our lives to fit into neat little boxes can be a major disservice to who we are struggling. So what if we challenge this status quo? What if we dare to embrace the beautiful chaos that comes with imperfection? Our lives may be a mess at times, but it is our beautiful mess that can be cherished for where it is at that moment. Finding Freedom in Imperfection Embracing imperfection is not about settling for less; it's about finding freedom in authenticity. In embracing imperfection, we release the need to constantly strive for unattainable perfection, allowing ourselves space to breathe, learn, and evolve without fear of judgment. It opens doors to creativity and innovation, as we embrace experimentation and risk-taking without the paralyzing fear of failure. It's in our vulnerabilities, our quirks, and our failures that our true essence shines through. Embracing Life's Unpredictability Life is messy, unpredictable, and beautifully imperfect. It's in the unexpected twists and turns that we find the most profound moments of growth and self-discovery. It encourages us to relinquish the illusion of total control and instead find beauty in the spontaneity and surprises that each day brings. By embracing life's messiness, we open ourselves up to a world of endless possibilities and opportunities. We are empowered to live more fully and to cherish the journey as much as the destination. The Beauty in Flaws Flaws are not weaknesses; they are what make us unique and human. Just like a piece of art is more interesting with a few imperfections, our lives become richer and more colorful when we embrace our flaws. It's okay to have bad days, to make mistakes, and to stumble along the way. In those moments, we learn, we grow, and we evolve. Flaws invite empathy and connection, encouraging us to see beyond the surface and to embrace the profound beauty that lies within the imperfect, the unique, and the real. Cultivating Resilience Through Imperfection Embracing imperfection is not always easy. It requires resilience, self-compassion, and a willingness to let go of control. But in this journey of self-acceptance, we build inner strength, courage, and a deep sense of empathy towards ourselves and others. Imperfection becomes our greatest teacher, guiding us towards a more fulfilling and authentic life. Letting Go of Perfectionism Perfectionism can drive us towards excellence but it can also lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and burnout. Uncontrolled perfectionism can be harmful to your mental health in ways that can be crippling and prevent progress. By letting go of the need to be perfect, we free ourselves from unrealistic expectations and open the door to self-love and acceptance. It liberates us from fear of judgment, empowering us to take risks and pursue our passions wholeheartedly. Imperfection is not a sign of failure; it's a celebration of our humanity. Embracing Imperfection Every Day Embracing imperfection is a daily practice, a conscious choice to be kinder to ourselves and embrace the messy, beautiful journey of life. So let's raise a toast to our flaws, our quirks, and our imperfections - for they are what make us perfectly imperfect. In conclusion, life's messiness is not something to be feared or avoided; it's a gift to be cherished and embraced. Imperfection is where the magic happens, where authenticity thrives, and where true beauty shines through. So let's take a deep breath, let go of perfection, and revel in the beauty of life's glorious imperfections. Embrace imperfection, celebrate authenticity, and live life to the fullest - for the messy, imperfect moments are often the most beautiful ones. Let's paint our lives with all the colors of imperfection and create a masterpiece that is uniquely ours. Join us in embracing imperfection and discovering the beauty in life's messiness!

Yesterday was the last day of June and for the first time in years, my kids slept in. I would like to keep this momentum going for every summer weekend, but I know that is wishful thinking. The girls are not doing summer camp this year, so I want to give them as close to my childhood experience of summer that I can. There wasn't much happening in the small Caribbean village I grew up in, but I could always guarantee that I would enjoy playing with the neighborhood gang, getting lost in long blades of grass, climbing up my neighbor's guava tree, and walking around the neighborhood to pick up more friends for our wild excursions. I mean, who was supervising us? Answer. No one, but we somehow managed to get home safely before that street lights came on. Anything later meant we were in trouble, and none of us wanted that.  I can't replicate the very liberal play time I had growing up, but we plan on having a balance of very leisurely chill activities along with the days of excitement. Here are 7 chill things that we hope to do this summer: 1. Lots of family walks. Whether it be a sunrise or sunset walk, once the time is available we are out there. My older daughter loves family walks, especially when dad can join us at sunset. We will stop at the playground nearby and be as silly as possible while swinging away. 2. Play card games. We recently got into playing UNO, which we all love. Now that everyone has gotten the hang of it, we play once a day. The girls are still learning to properly hold their seven cards, but they look forward to it every day. We will definitely learn a few more games before summer ends. 3. Visit some waterfalls. New York state has some amazing waterfalls. I discovered Cohoes Falls , the second largest waterfall in New York state on the Mohawk River, literally in my backyard and there are so many more. We also hope to see Niagara Falls , Rainbow Falls in Watkins Glen State Park and Buttermilk Falls at Buttermilk Falls State Park among a few others (don't you just love the names?). 4. Watch some of the shows/movies of my childhood. I have a running list of shows and movies that I want my girls to watch, many of which they can't watch yet, but I have started. My 9 year old loves Pinky and the Brain and Tom and Jerry, which surprised me and my 7 year old had to take two tries at Matilda (1996) to appreciate the comedy in the principal swinging the little girl by her pig tails. The reaction was priceless, because she yelled, "That is abuse" (Lol). I will never forget it. So hopefully, we can start Full House this week. 5. More self care. During the school year, it was hard trying to incorporate self-care along the lines of manicures and pedicures at home, and massages which are great for kids. So this summer, more self care and relaxation for all of us. 6. Visiting farmers markets and local farms Around here, there are so many farms and farmers markets. Wej just want to check out the ones with chill vibes, get our taste testing on, get some farm raised poultry and dairy, and bring home a plant or two, or five or ten. 7. No plans days. Those are the best. Nothing beats a day where you're like a leaf in the wind. Whatever the day brings, we're up for it. We might cook or order some food. We might watch a movie or two, and I might let the girls enjoy Roblox for more than 45 mins. Ahhhhh. The good life. So yes! All we want is some good chill vibes, because me and my old lady activities which I quite enjoy would like to maintain this energy till the summer ends.