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"Today, I barely survived. It felt like a horror film where I was being dragged into a dark abyss. I wanted to go Viola Davis on the fam, grab my purse and walk out. I nearly tapped out of this house." These are the words I wrote recently on an Instagram post. I did not think this would be the starting point for discussing parenting struggles, but I think this best describes how so many feel at some point in their parenting journey. Motherhood is beautiful, but it can also be messy. I am so glad every time I see videos where women speak authentically about their parenting struggles. I think about the many moms who sometimes feel they want to tap out of their families, no matter how much we love them. So many great mothers wake up every day with the intention of giving their best to their children only to realize that despite their best efforts, some days just suck. At the end of it all, we just have to keep giving our best , because that is really all we can do. Parenting is not for the faint and you will never get it right all the time, so be ready to get it wrong sometimes. To those of us surviving parenthood and need some answers, let's discover some ways we can keep trying. For when the kiddos just won't listen Even the best children can have their worst day, and I say, hold on for dear life. Whether we're talking about trying to get the kid(s) out the door, telling your child for the fourth time to take her socks off the living room floor, or just requesting personal space so you won't be touched out, there are moments when your kids just don’t or won’t listen. It is the nature of motherhood. Despite my vast experience as a babysitter/nanny, some days I am still dumbfounded by the things my children do. Recently, I just had to ask one of my daughters to please step away from me, because her behavior at that moment was just unacceptable and I found myself repeating things over and over (worst mistake ever). When I felt like I was about to lose it, she had to come back with a snarky response. At that point, I directed her to her father and walked into my room. I asked Google for solutions to my problem. Yes, I was asking Google for directions to that place on the internet where successful moms reside with alternative solutions, because that's where I was at. In addition, I remembered another strategy from being a substitute teacher. It always got the kids' attention. Online Solution: If you hear me, touch your nose. (continue by naming a different body part each time until they show they're listening). My solution:  I say: 1,2,3 eyes on me. They say: 1, 2 eyes on you. So now I have two solutions that I plan to implement. Both methods, I believe, will prevent you the parent from snapping at your kid(s), give you some time to think, and allow you to convey your initial request thoughtfully and concisely. For when your child is being resistant. I have a nine-year-old and a seven-year-old, and personality-wise, they couldn't be more different from each other, yet maintain some behaviors that make me question whether I am parenting one child. My second child who started extremely introverted, is now a strong-willed, critical thinker, who is both witty and funny. She hates being rushed to accomplish anything, so her resistance tends to be easier to solve. I back off showing remorse for my actions and correct my behavior. My nine year old on the other hand is at the developmental stage of preadolescence. I can see the pushback coming from a place of desiring more autonomy, which is expected for a child her age. I have very clear house rules, expectations, and structure, but I also need to recognize that my parenting style has to match her developmental stage. I may just not be hitting the mark sometimes. Resistant behavior tends to occur when children want to avoid a task, gain attention, and even gain power by trying to irritate you. Beyond these simple explanations for non-compliant behavior, it is crucial to assess the environmental changes that may be contributing to the changes in your child's behavior. Things like relocating, the death of a loved one, starting a new school, and any change in the dynamics of their home life. These factors all have an impact on children and the ways they cope with these changes. For resistant children, there are two things I try to avoid: Power struggles: Avoid going back and forth or over-explaining your stance. All it does is incite more anger and resistance. Boy have I made that mistake, but I am learning. Overreacting: Try to stay calm (and trust me, I know how difficult that can be sometimes), because it gnaws away at the relationship between you and your child. At times it may be hard not to, but find ways to calm yourself in that moment, because reacting may be more disastrous than you think. What you can do to help you avert many negative situations is: Praise your child for the things they do well: I pay attention to my children's actions, so when I see great behavior being displayed, I will point it out to my kids immediately. There are so many times I have told my daughters, "I really like how you handled that situation" by repeating what was said and how effective it was responding in the manner that they did. You can see the joy in their eyes. Collaborate with your child: I can't tell you the number of times I have asked my children for advice on how they think I should address their resistance. In those moments, I see all of us calming down and taking moments to speak our hearts and come up with solutions. They feel empowered rather than being dominated, which is never my goal. For those big emotional moments Being a parent can take a toll. There are the day-to-day emotional interactions that barely cause a dent, and with the right response, they can be great bonding moments. But there are days you can barely regulate your own emotions due to a host of issues, and you have to do your best to help a sometimes dysregulated little human find a sense of calm. It is on those days, it can feel like the world is conspiring against your joy, and mothering can take a toll on your mental health. This is why I appreciate women who know in their hearts that they are not meant for the calling of motherhood and stand firmly in their decisions. So on the days when everyone is caught up in their feelings, all I try to do is avoid making the day a complete disaster. I tell my girls when they're yelling out into the universe "My day is ruined," that they're having a tough moment; there is still time to turn it around . We always do, even though it sometimes takes us a little longer to get there. As the adults who have to lead by example (but sometimes fails epically), I say absent of any physical, emotional, or psychological abuse to your child, show yourself some grace. I recommend: Removing yourself from the situation: When an environment gets extremely stressful and you feel overwhelmed, start by creating distance if you can. Breathe: Take that time to acknowledge how you feel, do some deep breathing and refocus your energy on something more positive. Decide whether you want to be happy or right: In that moment, I also decide before heading back out making sure that my language does not assign blame, but rather a path to bringing us closer together. Apologize if necessary: If feelings were hurt before your exit, come back ready to apologize. This can be the olive branch to begin the conversation, especially with kids who can talk. Be ready to listen: This is the time for open dialogue. Talk to your child while connecting from a place of the heart. Allow your child to be heard. Seek comfort from a trusted individual: Whether it's your partner, a friend or a therapist, reach out to someone you can talk to if you need further support. Continue to show yourself grace and compassion: We all have rough moments. Don't beat yourself up. You can turn this around. So, keep trying, keep laughing, and embrace the wonderful chaos that is parenting. Because at the end of the day, the art of trying is what truly makes us superheroes in the eyes of our children. Celebrate the messiness, the laughter, and the endless love that comes with being a parent. Because in the grand scheme of things, the art of trying is what truly defines us as parents – imperfectly perfect and beautifully chaotic. Now go forth, fellow parents, and conquer the world!

Do you ever feel like you're living in a sitcom, but instead of laughing, you're just trying to survive your 9-to-5? My life has at many times felt like an episode of "The Office" meets "Survivor." Here's a glimpse into my hilarious (and sometimes tragic) adventures of trying to navigate stressful work environments: Episode 1: Sounds of Hunger Picture this: It's 7:30 a.m, and I clock in to work just in time to grab documents that I prepared for an early new hire onboarding. I'm starving, but I'm on a tight schedule, so I keep driving for an hour to meet with the new hire—sometimes annoyed I am driving one hour to onboard one person in 2023. On cue, my stomach starts growling while I'm sitting in the room, and I'm just praying that the new hire does not hear any of it. Of course she did, so I say something funny to break the ice. Unfortunately, that was only the beginning, because I'm stuck in there for another 30 minutes. We both just pretend nothing is happening at every growl. Yikes. Episode 2: The Email Avalanche Ah, the joys of modern communication. One minute, you're catching up on emails; the next, your inbox resembles a digital avalanche burying you alive. You're now regretting your life choices and seriously considering homesteading as a way of life, because surely, this cannot be what I dreamt of. I also can't help but wonder: who thought it was a good idea to hit "reply all" to share their grievance about not being invited to a team gathering—drama! And why does the universe conspire to send urgent requests the moment I step away from my desk? Episode 3: The Meeting from Hell We've all been there – trapped in a never-ending and sometimes useless work meeting where you try to appear engaged, while secretly plotting your escape. Whether it's the boss's latest obsession with team-building exercises or a PowerPoint presentation that rivals the length of "War and Peace," every minute feels like an eternity. But then, your supervisor gets to the end and says, "Are there any questions?" I'm holding my breathe in pure terror hoping no one says yes, but then marvel at the audacity of someone to ask a question that makes us suffer even more. For the love of .... Episode 4: The Office Drama No workplace would be complete without its fair share of drama. From passive-aggressive emails or Post-It notes to whispered gossip, navigating office politics is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded. Even worse is when you can't help but wonder: is this really what I signed up for? When you're on the receiving end of that behavior, you just have to remind yourself that you're too broke to retire, don't want to be a sugar baby and you have bills to pay, so you report to work as a shy introvert and ignore every one. If it has nothing to do with work, you have nothing to say. Episode 5: The Great Escape I cannot tell you the number of times I have imagined grabbing my purse and jumping from the window with the perfect landing of a superhero, running to my car, and driving off. In the end, sometimes the only solution is to make a break for it. Whether it's sneaking out early on a Friday or taking an extended bathroom break to collect my thoughts (and sanity), finding moments of respite becomes a survival strategy. When I clock out for the day, I can't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all – because sometimes, laughter truly is the best medicine. So there you have it: my comedic journey through the wild and wacky world of stressful work environments. I have now taken to working remotely, which still provides endless material for a sitcom-worthy blog post. Cheers to surviving another day in the office, one laugh at a time! Hope you enjoyed the humorous take on navigating stressful work environments! Let me know if you'd like to add anything or if there's a specific aspect you'd like to explore further. (Photos: Feature photo by Jess Shoots /Unsplash , Graphic Photo by Aaron Blanco Tejedor /Unsplash)

We are still in the midst of a whole pandemonium—a.k.a pandemic— and I, like many people am vaxed, masked and ready to conquer outside. Unfortunately, I’m ready to throw in the towel. I am somewhat disappointed. It seems that this pandemic has changed many and not necessarily for the better. I get it. Times are hard and people have lost so much. We’re all trying our best to get through the day without an earth-shattering meltdown. Some people are trying to hold it together while some are unleashing their turmoil on others. In these times, a little kindness can go such a long way. This is exactly the time we should be exercising a bit more kindness toward each other. We are all walking with some degree of pain, heartache and even trauma. It’s never okay to unleash that on those who have caused you no harm. Lately I’ve just been seeing the anger and rage in people. From the woman last week who was driving a little too close behind me as I slowed down to find a parking and took the time to roll down her window to yell profanities me, to the driver who looked like she was not going to stop at the light and risk running straight into me. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything when I am home, if this is the way people feel the need to conduct themselves. These are the days when my introvert tendencies are screaming at me to retreat indoors. The only thing keeping me outside is that my children need the socialization, and that I need to increase my serotonin and vitamin D levels. Otherwise, I’d be indoors, happily enjoying the company of myself. I am venting. I need it. In these instances, I respond appropriately and try to remind myself that many more people show me kindness than the opposite. Vent in a healthy way and focus on all the good that comes your way. Change the internal dialogue and believe your way into an amazing week. Choose kindness. If you need a moment to vent, share in the comments. Share stories of kindness that you extended or you received.

Hi everyone, How have you been? Honestly. How has life been treating you? Many of us made it through a whole pandemonium—pandemic—having lost so much. Loved ones, relationships, jobs, and maybe even your sense of self. I know that the pandemic hit me like a ton of bricks, to the point that I couldn’t even fathom being able to work for several months. I was an emotional wreck internally, even though no one other than my therapist could see that I was weathering the worst storms of my life. But yet, here I am . I made it through and so have you. I am also very certain that there were many wins. My life got a little slower. A pace that I had been craving for so long, but never imagined it could happen. I worked from home, found healing in therapy, and learned to appreciate the love I had. Once practicing gratitude became a bigger priority, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was able to see what I had as opposed to what I didn’t and what I lost. For those of you who made it through, making it through, and those who can’t even see the light at the end of this tunnel, I want to remind you that. You are valuable. You are loved. You are worthy. What are your plans for the weekend and how are you being intentional with your time?

If there’s sand and a shore line, it’s a beach. On the way there, the girls were extremely excited about heading to the lake. I told them that we were heading to Million Dollar Beach and they were massively confused, especially my seven year old—understandably so. A lake being referred to as a beach required some explanation I guess I did a good job, because everyone understood. Part of my conclusion was, “If there’s sand and a shore line, it’s a beach.” As we emerged from the towering trees, we came upon the most striking lake view that reminded me of Marigot Beach in my island home Saint Lucia . It was indeed a view I did not expect, and I was more than pleasantly surprised. My mother was gobsmacked. She ended up calling my stepdad for a video chat to show how beautiful the lake is. The girls were also eager to get in the water. A sweet couple offered their picnic table and bench that they were done using. He warned us about the aggressive seagulls that began surrounding us. We sat and tried having lunch, but the seagulls were quickly becoming a distraction. The girls were initially afraid, but with a few lessons on gently shooing and showing them that the birds were more intimidated by them, they got the hang of it. I was so smitten by the view, that I went in and out of noticing my children chasing seagulls. We enjoyed the stunning views and seeing the steam boat Lac du Saint Sacrement cruise line in the far distance. After taking a break from lunch, we enjoyed time in the water. About three hours later, we packed up and headed home. My daughters said this was one of the best days ever. This day definitely deserves a repeat.

This weekend is not starting off well. I have now gotten a cold from my kids, so we’re all sick. In addition, we have to go to my daughter’s friend’s birthday party. We don’t want to miss it at all, but it is looking like we may just have to stay home. It’s going to be a cold weekend, and all I want to do is drink a never ending supply of hot cocoa with a faux fur blanket while I watch Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas movies with my girls. I also want to make cupcakes and play board games; our version of a cozy weekend. What are your plans this weekend? (Photo from Samantha Gades)

My home is my sanctuary. For this reason, I like to maintain order in my space at home. Order gives me clarity, and with that comes a great degree of peacefulness and calm. By clearing up my physical space, I clear up my mental space. It helps me be more productive. I believe you can tell a lot about a person by the way they keep their hidden spaces aka, their closets, medicine cabinets et cetera. Ideally, I believe we all want to live in a clean and organized space, but there arises one of two problems. “It feels like there just isn’t enough time” The first problem is that you may be so busy working and trying to find some semblance of joy, it feels like there just isn’t enough time in day. Some days I get home from a long day and I just want to fall face first into my bed. After a long day at work, it can be hard to get the energy to do even some of the smallest tasks. Secondly, you may just not know how to organize and maintain order in your life. You may have just never been taught. In the age where it seems like just about every task can be outsourced, people who never learned to tidy up their spaces have even more an incentive not to learn. I am not here to recommend how you can organize your space in twenty four hours or a week, but rather how you can make small changes to how you currently do things and develop positive life-long habits. 1. Write everything down And I do mean everything. Visualization is the key, but also, you can’t depend on your memory to tell you what needs to be accomplished daily, so get a planner, a notebook, or calendar and write in what you would like to accomplish everyday. Saves you time and you accomplish more. I also enjoy going back to what tasks or goals I accomplished. 2. Snowball your cleaning Just like you would tackle debt by working your way from the smallest to the largest, the same can be applied here. I separate my task into two categories: daily household chores and weekly ones. Not only have you allowed yourself a slow build, you develop a routine. 3. Do a little everyday So everyday, you can commit to doing or maintaining the small tasks, and even reducing large ones to smaller manageable tasks. If you’re like me, I commit to the big ones on the weekend and do it all. To stay organized, you need to work at it consistently and continuously. 4. Delegate If you don’t live alone, get everyone else to pitch in. If you can stand balanced on your feet, you can help. If you’re a parent, get your little ones involved. Make it fun for sure. You’re not only executing tasks, but you teach them the value of teamwork and interdependence. Do it regular and you’ll have your own little helpers. You will create good habits. 5. Purge This is a very important process, because to maintain order, you need to have an “out with the old” mindset. Having too much stuff means more clutter. Keep only the things you need and a few wants, otherwise, you can trash, donate and/or sell the rest to help create that zen space. Purge at least every four to six months to reduce clutter. 6. Take stock of your accomplishments Don’t get so task driven that you can’t take a step back to see what you’ve accomplished. Seeing what you accomplished by changing your habits is an excellent motivator. Keep at it and you will develop a routine that you can maintain for a long time. It is not about the cleaning, but creating an atmosphere and a lifestyle of calm and clarity.

Happy Friday. We made it to the start of the weekend. As you go into me time   mode, I just want you to remember that you are one of a kind. You’re amazing, and that your gifts, talents and abilities add to that beautifully, flawed and perfect package that you are. Your actions not only impact you, but a lineage. Your healing can be your legacy. Hugs from Brooklyn. 🤎🤎🤎

It is New Year’s Eve and we are hours away from ringing in the new year. I feel like I am cautiously tiptoeing into it, because of all that has happened since March. Nonetheless, I want to take a moment to reflect on everything that 2020 taught me. This is a long post, so let’s dive in. 1. To be a little more open with the people around me, because I never know where help can come from I am not shy, but I am also not the most open person as it pertains to my life. It takes me a long time to trust people and for that reason, it takes me time to welcome them into my space. This year I’ve really had to challenge myself to be more open. The outpouring of love I have received from my mom friends has been amazing and I’m grateful for that. 2. I am a great friend and I honor and value my relationships This is year was a time of reconnecting. I had three friends from high school. Two of us lost touch for quite some time. I created a group chat and it has been a non stop circle of love, laughter and healing. I mean, the kinds of things we talk about in this group chat has no boundaries. We talk about eeeeeverythang, and I treasure that openness and honesty. We have matured so much and we are truly on a journey that I hope takes us into our sunset. I love these women. 3. I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for This year, I encountered so many mountains and had to make decisions that I did not think I would have to. I lost my cousin to COVID-19, and even more, I am realizing that the only person I can truly depend on is myself. Having encountered these loses, I am still going through the five stages of grief. Also, as someone who lives with a chronic illness, I live in frequent pain, where stress is a major contributing factor. The fact that I can wake up every day, grieve, heal, and be a great mom is amazing to me. 4. I need to make self care a high priority and it can be small acts I suck at self care. Putting my myself first is not my strength, but I have started making it more of a priority. I hope I can continue what I have started and really master carving time out for myself. It doesn’t have to be elaborate all the time, but can be something small and simple where you get time for you. 5. Healing is the best closure So often, we look outside ourselves for closure. We need someone to acknowledge and validate our feelings. Sometimes that isn’t always possible or realistic, so I am learning that the best kind of closure is healing these internal wounds. If you have the opportunity to voice your hurt, then by all means, however, I am going to keep doing the internal work. 6. I am a true homebody, so blame the introvert in me This pandemic has tested my limits, but one of the most amazing things I have been granted is the opportunity to work from home. That has been the ultimate wish. My wish came true, but under the wrong circumstances. Either way, I love being home and I do not miss the office one bit. 7. My life is not a productivity test Yes! It isn’t. It’s amazing how much focus we put on achievements and getting things done all the time that we can’t appreciate what is around us. I want to spend more time in the present and truly living. It’s not about all the activities for the day, but rather truly making the most out of every minute and filling it with joy. 8. It is okay to sit in my feelings and not implode I hate sitting with uncomfortable feelings. I feel like I am going to implode, and for that reason, I used to suppress and avoid it to avoid sitting in that hurt. I learned that it is okay to really acknowledge my feelings and honor them, get to the root of the problem and address it. If it requires some crying, I can do that. I just can’t avoid it. 9. My feelings don’t have to be mutually exclusive That is the beauty of being human. We are complex and complicated beings. A lion doesn’t question whether a zebra is a friend or dinner. He knows he/she is always dinner before the chase. Unlike a lion, it is possible as human to love someone but have no desire to be in their presence and that is okay. 10. I need to start being honest with my therapist So often, I feel I need to hide how I felt inside, to save face or not have uncomfortable conversations. I am also the first person to reach out to a therapist, yet sit in therapy and still act like I am okay. Like how is that possible? I am here to release and I’m still keeping things in. When I finally started to release, I felt better. I guess it was all in my own time. 11. I need to show myself more compassion I am someone with very high expectations of myself and I can put a lot of pressure on me. I am learning to cut myself some slack. Keep believing that I am worthy and enough, and that the child in me would not appreciate how I treat adult me. I need to just to acknowledge that I am only human. 12. I don’t always need to be in control all the time It’s fine to want to be organized and a planner like I am, but in these circumstances, it is okay to be flexible. It is great to have structure, but it is okay to loosen the reigns a little. kids will thank you for it. 13. I truly enjoy connecting with the people I love so a text does not cut it I know calling people seems like something of the past, but I love hearing the voices of those around me. You can lie to me in a text. You can’t lie to me over the phone. I’m a walking lie detector and very good at detecting the change in tone and pitch. It feels good hearing friends and family instead of through an impersonal text. 14. To protect the energy around myself and my children I always say, I will lose everyone before I lose my mind and I stand by that. Toxic people have a way of drawing the life out of anyone and in order to protect this limited resource, I will let go of unproductive relationships. Also, as the mother of a highly sensitive person and empath, I am even more aware it is my duty to also protect the energy around my children. 15. Letting go can be the opportunity for a new beginning So often, we think letting go of people marks the end, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be the beginning of something even better. Something where the individual is finally able to see me and hear me. What did you learn about yourself in 2020? Happy New Year!! 🎊🎈🎉

Earlier this year, I was required to do an impostor syndrome test and I scored extremely high, which isn't a good thing. I’ve been aware of these feelings, but the magnitude of it shocked me. Even worse is that I realized in addition to the general state of feeling like an impostor, I experience a more targeted kind of impostor syndrome. That specific area is in my mothering. I feel like a phony parent . Why, you may ask? There are many reasons, but before we get into that, let’s sort out what impostor syndrome is. The term was first coined by the clinical psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in the 1970s, and is defined as a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity and incompetence despite evidence that you are skilled and successful . People who exhibit this syndrome frequently feel like frauds, and that they will eventually be found out, even though they are highly competent. This is me overall, but it’s even worse in my parenting. I am a great mother. I know that. I am attentive, engaging, loving, nurturing, kind, thoughtful, empathetic and I allow my children to feel like they have a voice, but somehow, I always feel like I am not doing enough. I always have a sense that there is something that I am missing, or something I can do better. The times when I have raised my voice at my children out of frustration, I feel horrible, even though it doesn’t happen frequently. I used to commute daily with my children on the subway and random strangers who I had no idea were watching would come up to compliment me on my parenting, in situations where most parents would have lost their shit. My neighbors frequently compliment me on how involved and active I am as a parent. They see me daily with my children and admire my commitment to being what they see as a great parent. I know it, but for some reason, I judge myself harshly in small mistakes and still feel like a fraud. I was a nanny for many years so I am more than capable and competent when it comes to being with children. I was prepared for this, but when it comes to my own, I feel someone may figure that I don’t know what the hell I am doing. But then again, what parent knows what they’re doing all the time? Unfortunately, I have to acknowledge that I have a slightly warped sense of parenting. I feel like I need to remain calm in all situations like some stepford wife . Yelling for me feels out of control and uncomfortable, and for that reason I have placed an enormous amount of pressure on myself to maintain an impossible amount of control. It hasn’t been productive. Ironically a few months ago, someone used the stepford wife analogy to describe me and I took some offense to it. Even though I said nothing in response to that, there was some truth to it. That I have to admit, even though I think the comparison is a bit extreme. I am slowly learning to combat these feelings, by being honest about the severity of my impostor syndrome and how it makes me feel as a parent. I have an amazing sister circle who listen and encourage, and also my therapist who reminds me of how much I do and to show myself compassion . I am learning to stave off self-doubt by trusting my decisions , because I do not take being a parent lightly. I bring the right attitude into my parenting and I am always willing to learn. I remind myself that tomorrow is an opportunity to do better and hopefully not repeat the mistakes of the days past. I am also working on knowing my value as a mother. I am learning to believe that I am enough . My children tell me so much how much they love me daily. They smother me with kisses and hugs daily. I see genuine happiness in them and I know that it is my display of love to them that shows them how to love me. I know that in the early part of the pandemic, these feelings were at an all time high for me. I have found that starting everyday with the words, “ Today is a great day and I am a great mother ,” have helped me believe in my heart that I am an amazing mother. If you struggle with parental impostor syndrome, I say to you, you are an amazing parent. If you still can’t shake off the feeling, seek out a therapist. You are enough.