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In a moment of deep contemplation about some of my life experiences, I thought about the act of forgiveness and what it means to me. I was taught in my very Christian upbringing that true healing required forgiveness. I have since evolved into believing that forgiveness should be given to those who are truly remorseful and with boundaries. Both can be correct I suppose, but the question then remains, can one truly heal without forgiveness? Forgiveness is not the only route to healing. The idea that to release the hurt caused by others, you need to forgive them first feels like an imposition and an assault on the consciousness of a person who has been violated. What it does is center the individual who caused the harm, and require the victim to somehow empathize with the aggressor's actions. It forces the victim to give the bad actor some leeway, as some sort of imposed and necessary route to healing. Nothing can be further from the truth. This may be very unpopular when I say it, but I don’t need to forgive you to release you. I release you for my wellness. I release you for my well-being. I release you for my sanity. I don’t have to forgive your actions to get there. You don't owe the offender forgiveness to not be viewed as bitter and angry. Your only requirement is to heal yourself, forgive yourself for any internalized blame, and believe that you’re capable of thriving and having an amazing life despite what was done to you. My belief was further cemented after a conversation with my therapist about this very topic of forgiveness. We were talking about my relationship with my ex-husband—a good one that still requires some healing—and went on to talk about what healing and forgiveness look like with an individual you don't have much contact with, compared to someone you have contact with daily. She asked, "Do you think releasing is sufficient for healing in this relationship, or would you need to be able to forgive?" This stayed on my mind for a few days and the only conclusion that I arrived at is that the first focus should be self-healing. Forgiveness is written nowhere in the five stages of grief. The focus is to heal yourself in the most healthy manner that you can so that you are not fixated on your hurt and do not further victimize yourself. Too often, society puts so much pressure on individuals to forgive and 'move on,' without even giving them a moment to process what has happened. The act of forgiving is when you  " stop blaming or being mad at someone for something that person has done, or not punish them for something " or you " to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) ." This takes time. Getting to the point where the presence of the offender does not take you to a place of anger, resentment, and bitterness is a major milestone and ultimately the end goal. I am not the authority on forgiveness, but what I can say is that no one should be pressured into forgiveness, especially without boundaries. Take the work inward. Find your peace, focus on yourself and your healing, and maybe eventually, you can start walking into the path of forgiveness, if you choose to do so.

From an early age, I taught my daughters to not yuck anyone’s yum. “No thank you” will suffice over negative comments and judgment. What a person eats is between them, God—if you believe—and/or their doctor. Food is never used as a reward of any kind. That means, if you did not eat all your dinner, you still get dessert if it’s dessert night. There will be no convincing or coercing at mealtime. They are also always in full control of what goes in their stomachs , because I offer, you eat . It’s as simple as that. The last thing I want to do is argue about food with children. I will lose even before it starts. Therefore nothing makes me cringe more than adults, loudly discussing or dissecting every food choice of colleagues whether it is solicited or not. When this happens, more often than not, I find that people are outwardly recreating the negative internal dialogue that they have with themselves. Maybe I am biased and privileged, because I was lucky to have been raised by a mom who encouraged good eating habits without ever attaching guilt or shame to my choices. Imagine what that does to a person who grows up seeing someone in their household who probably did every diet, forced them on a diet, or spoke of that person’s body in negative terms. We have unfortunately moralized food choices. The people who enjoy an occasional or daily processed snack are deemed as destroying their bodies and placed on a lower totem pole compared to people who maintain a vegetarian or vegan diet etc. Now these are the people who “care” about their bodies. They are supposedly ethical, moral, and environmentally conscious ones who are considered one of the “good people” without factoring in motivations. How did we get there? Well, no thanks to diet culture, we are developing a starving and malnourished population by choice , many of whom are impressionable teens and young adults trying to emulate what they see in popular culture. When you have the WSJ posting articles like “ To Save Money, Maybe You Should Skip Breakfast ,” it comes off as very tone deaf. In 2021, more than 34 million people in the United States live in food insecure households , a decline from 38 million in 2020. Of those, 9 million are children. It even shows that a staggering 53 million people turned to food programs in 2021. We will try to achieve an ideal at any cost and do it all by being tone deaf. Maybe the WSJ had to meet the demands of one of their advertisers and attached it to being fiscally responsible. I’m not sure, but they most definitely were speaking the language of diet culture. This is simply body policing and food shaming in the workplace, whether we want to admit it or not, and it has no place there. These conversations can be triggering for people with eating disorders and body issues, especially when you cannot just casually leave your desk and refuse to work till the conversation is over. It’s the equivalent of the dreaded Christmas and Thanksgiving family dinners where family members feel the need to make unsolicited comments about your plate. So the last thing I want to hear from your cubicle is how you think that slice of cake will destroy your thighs, how you’re on a liquid diet for the sake of getting your summer body, and I surely don’t want you to ever come to my cubicle to criticize my lunch, because guess what, “I didn’t ask you.” If you’re going to keep it up, do it quietly with willing participants. Don’t subject us all to this. Workplace discussions of diets need to stop, because we’re tired.

Recently, I checked into my drafts, and it was sad to say there were about 80 unfinished blog posts from 2020. I was shocked by the number, but moreso, I kept asking myself, “What happened?” and "What other things in my life are incomplete?" With so many responsibilities, career, parenthood, side hustles, etc, and people telling you that you are not doing enough, it can be so easy to become overwhelmed. There may be bigger issues at play like, being a woman bearing a lot of the mental load of a relationship while caring for two very young children during a whole pandemic, going through a divorce and unresolved chronic procrastination, perfectionism, and impostor syndrome that reared its ugly head. Wow. That list was long. No wonder I have almost 80 unfinished blog posts. No matter how many productivity apps I used, none of them made up for the fact that 24 hours wasn’t cutting it at that time. But now that I am in a better space, the question is, what are my next steps? What are the steps for people who start on a high, but abandon ship like the Titanic for whatever reason. Commit Before you get to creating a plan. Make a binding agreement with yourself that you will execute whatever plan you establish. The first thing I said to myself was “I have to do better." From there, you can start creating a plan that meets the SMART criteria . Create a plan “A goal without a plan is a wish.” No truer words have been spoken. Seeing things in writing serve as a reminder, allow you to visualize and also help you remain accountable to yourself. Otherwise as a parent nearing 40 with two young children, get one kid to interrupt me from the kitchen to the bathroom, and I forget everything. So I encourage you, write everything down. Whether you’re doing this digitally or old school with a pen and paper write down each goal and all the steps needed to achieve it. Be Accountable Remember that agreement you made to yourself, do your best to stick to it. Hold yourself accountable. Don’t fall into the trap of procrastination and excuses. Absent of crises, stick to your goals because nothing feels better than finishing what you started. How many things have you started in your life and not finished? What are you doing to complete them?

I moved to the US toward the end of fall on a November day in 2002. I packed a suitcase and possibly two bags on a flight bound to John F. Kennedy International Airport in Queens NY. I had just recently graduated from a community college and a month earlier said goodbye to my first love who moved away to England. It was a particularly difficult time, because even though I lost one love, I was being reunited with another. It was almost a year since my mother left. That was the longest we had ever been apart. We were stuck to the hip, so when she left, there was a gaping hole in my heart. She made the tough decision to move to the United States to start a new life. When she left, she promised that she would send for me and that we would see each other again soon. Well, she kept her word. I consider myself one of the lucky ones. Unlike the many friends and family I knew whose parent(s) left them in the care of grandparents and other family members, only to reunite a decade or more as mere strangers, my mother left in my final year of completing my “A” Levels. I was quite capable of taking care of myself, but I still needed her financial support to finish my studies. When I was done with school, I tried job hunting, but was unsuccessful. Even though at the time, my heart wasn’t into any of the professions that didn’t allow me to exercise my creativity, I knew I just needed to work. This was pre smart phones, and all the professional apps that are now available. Like anywhere in the world, it’s about who you know and I knew no one in any kind of position to help me land a job. So, in perfect timing, my mother sent a ticket and on that cold day in November, I landed at JFK. I always say, "I never knew how black I was until I moved to to the United States." I say it with great humor, but it is really not a laughing matter. The land of opportunity, and milk and honey was about to teach me some major life lessons that I couldn’t possibly learn in my homeland. My friends and I have acknowledged a West Indian upbringing will give you confidence in your yourself and your capabilities like no other. I am probably biased and should not generalize, but growing up in a society where most of the people looked like me, and where my personhood was not always being questioned at every turn was a confidence booster. Maybe it had more to do with my upbringing, rather than simply the community I grew up in. In spite of that, I wasn’t prepared for the way I would be received and perceived in the country I now call home. The intersectionality of race, class and demographic matter so much more in the US. I am woman and black, minority and black, and immigrant and black. The common denominator is Black . The first time you’re confronted by the negative stereotypes associated with being a black woman, there is a degree of shock. You feel judged by a narrative that so many Black women do not identify with. This is highly problematic. It does not assign us the full spectrum of emotions, diversity of interests and of thought. Here, being a black woman you’re seen as a monolith, and if you color outside the lines, you’re deemed a living breathing unicorn, even by your own. No one cares if you grew up rich, poor or in between. We are assigned every negative attribute you can assign to a woman simply based on the richness of our melanin. The richer the melanin, the worse it gets. We are deemed to be “ loud, ‘ghetto’ (ghetto is a place), too dark, too much, bitter, angry, aggressive, unladylike, a baby mama, rude, unattractive, unmarried, and/or existing to cash welfare checks . ” We are collectively invalidated; a sordid reality that we are continuously viewed as the undesirables or against the norm. Nothing new here to see people, but I questioned in my earlier years here, “ How can Black women truly thrive in a society that consistently finds ways to minimize our existence from birth to death ?” We are the undesirables of the undesirable, in spite of the fact that we are the desirable. If you know, you know. I quickly realized we don’t have a choice, but to thrive . We always have and will continue to. From our ancestors to present day, black women have had to learn to rely on ourselves in so many aspects of our lives. This is both a trauma response and a realization that no one is coming to save us, even as we gather to heal while building community. We don’t always get that knight in shining armor and neither are we waiting. As a group, we will continue to occupy space anywhere and everywhere we want to, even when we are not necessarily welcomed. We do not let closed doors stop us from pursuing our passions and dreams; we will find a window and squeeze through. We are beauty. We are love. We are ambitious. We are healers and healing. We will continue to make lemonade out of lemons.

Over this summer, I moved out of my dreaded NYC apartment that I had only been in for less than a year. It managed to kill most of my plants due to lack of light. I shudder at the thought every time I think of my beloved plants, but I am now in a place where they are thriving and my family is happy. Moving can be stressful, but even moreso without hired help. Shelling out that extra money can be a lot for some families, so if you want to pocket it and put that toward expenses in your new home here are some of the tips to help make things move like a military captain. Organize Your Move There is no way around it. This is not a time in your life to wing it. There is no going around it, because you are doomed to fail at making your move work. Packing can take longer than you think, so grab a notebook, a board or use your phone to create your timeline for when each room should be complete. I encourage going by room, because it keeps you focused on the task at hand in a particular space without being pulled in every direction. The last thing you want is to feel anxious and overwhelmed because you are not as far as you planned. This strategy will be a life saver. Declutter, Donate, Discard Moving is a great opportunity to really take a look at your belongings and assess whether you really need an item or not? Does that item bring joy and does it hold any sentimental value that you would like to bring to your new space? You may also be asking yourself, does this go with the new style that I have in mind? With these factors in mind, go ahead and determine what finds a home in your new space, or what gets thrown out or donated. This not only means that you're able to make space for the the things you want in your rental truck, but you're also setting up a home that is not burdened with stuff you do not need, which in turn means less cleaning time. The benefits are huge. Get all hands on deck When I said organize like a military captain, I was not joking. Packing can take longer than you think, so it means, all hands on deck. Get everyone from the adults to the little people in your household to participate. You can also try to get help from family and friends to assist in the process. For children, I strongly encourage making these times a great way to connect and create excitement surrounding the move. It's a great opportunity for them to have their questions answered. Not only do they become familiar with the keep, donate and trash piles, they get a chance to to exercise their decision making skills surrounding their belongings. Moving is a big change, so having all hands on deck can also create a moment where all hearts can connect. Categorize Your Boxes to Make Unpacking Easier Be sure to get your packing supplies at least four weeks ahead whether you're trying to gather free boxes or purchase from moving companies. Your marker will become your best friend, so be sure to label every box. The last thing you need is to play the guessing game when you're unpacking. Pay special attention to breakable items and plants that need to be transported. Get help to pack and unpack the truck When moving day arrives, you will need lots of help. Don't try to do this alone, because you can severely underestimate how much time and effort it takes to get it done right. I strongly encourage using help from family and friends or hiring help which is usually offered by major truck rental companies. You will be so happy that you did, even though you decided to forego having movers take care of the entire process of moving for you. I was grateful to see hands show up on moving day at both the old and new residences. Also, be sure to follow the recommendations on the box of how to pack your truck. Start with heavy bulky items and distribute the weight evenly. Show Yourself Grace Moving without having a company take over from start to finish is the stressful. It is not for the faint at heart, because it will test everything in you, mentally, emotionally and physically. I recommend prioritizing some rest once you get to your new place. Everything can wait other than food and a good shower. You have done so much work to make this possible. At this moment, remember, tomorrow is another day and you will get to it then. (Photo Credit: Deposit Photos, Schleppers, Unsplash, bernadbodo/Adobe Stock, Annie Spratt/Unsplash) Have you moved recently and what was your experience? What other recommendations do you have?

Life is a juxtaposition of events and emotions. It can be hard and beautiful. There is both joy and pain. You can dislike and love someone at the same time. The one thing that is certain is that life is always meant to be lived. As you go through this week, meditate on these quotes. 1. Realize that people don’t think about you as much as you think they do. Don’t waste time thinking about what people may or may not be thinking. 2. People don’t know how to navigate life. Everyone makes it up as they go along. Some are better at faking it. 3. Give to others. You’ll find what you’re looking for by helping others. 4. Don’t waste much time trying to figure life out. It’s been a mystery since the dawn of mankind. Greater minds have spent their entire lives trying to solve the same mystery. It’s unlikely to be solved in the next 40 years by yours truly. 5. Practice gratitude. Remember that someone, somewhere, is praying for things that you take for granted. 6. Don’t be so serious. Laugh a lot. It makes your brain light up. Make sure every day is filled with laughter. This usually happens when you’re surrounded by those you love, and who love you back.   7. Shy away from revisiting the past (regret) and predicting the future (anxiety). What are some of your favorite quotes that you live by?

This week has been one of new beginnings and a deeper understanding of what I need in my life to feel like I am thriving. More and more, I see it's the small things. One of these simple pleasures is hiking. Moving around mountainous terrain is comforting for an island girl like myself. Growing up, I was surrounded by fruits, vegetable, and many tropical plants in my small fishing village. Maybe I am now trying to replicate the experiences of my childhood, but whatever the motivation, I am here to experience the great outdoors. Last Sunday, the family and I went hiking at the Albany Pine Bush Preserve , which I would consider to be a great beginner trail. The girls were super excited. Even in New York City, we were very outdoorsy, so being surrounded by even more trees and less noise was something that made them extremely happy. We decided to tackle the blue trail where we encountered many families exploring. It was fun meeting them along the way, so it wasn't an isolating experience. We also met two elders who seemed very happy to be on this gentle trail. After tackling that entire trail with meaningful conversations, and a few funny encounters, we walked back over to the Discovery Center. There, we were greeted by a wonderful young lady who gave us a wealth of information about the Pine Bush Preserve habitat and how it is maintained. We made our way through the displays. We left feeling so much calmer and more informed than when we came in. Remember, walking (for those who are able) can be an easy self-care strategy to incorporate in your life. Make time to connect with nature and get to know your city through exploration. Share your city and the best walking/hiking trails you've been on.

There is so much beauty in this life. Unfortunately, amidst life's chaos and the loudness of the season, it is easy to feel deflated and uninspired. Here are 10 motivational quotes to uplift and guide you through the messiness of life. 1. "In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - Albert Einstein Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth and positive change. 2. "You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." - Maya Angelou     Empower yourself by choosing how you respond to life's challenges. 3. "The only way out is through." - Robert Frost Face challenges head-on; sometimes, the journey through adversity leads to strength and resilience 4. "Every problem is a gift—without problems, we would not grow." - Tony Robbins Shift your perspective and view challenges as opportunities for personal development. 5. "It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it." - Lou Holtz  Reflect on how you handle challenges, and consider adjusting your approach for a lighter load. 6. "Difficulties in life are intended to make us better, not bitter." - Dan Reeves Find the silver lining in tough times and let them shape you into a stronger, wiser individual. 7. "The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials." - Chinese Proverb Understand that challenges refine and bring out the best in us. 8. "Believe you can and you're halfway there." - Theodore Roosevelt Maintain a positive mindset; your belief in yourself is a powerful force. 9. "No shortcuts exist to the top of a palm tree." - African Proverb Focus on your goals and recognize there are no shortcuts to success. 10. "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" - Mary Anne Radmacher Understand that resilience often comes from the quiet determination to keep going, one step at a time. You have the tools to navigate through challenges with grace, resilience, and a positive outlook. Remember, you've got this!

Work is a privilege that many of us share—it gives us purpose, structure, and the ability to contribute to something larger than ourselves. Yet, it also comes with its fair share of challenges. Stress, fatigue, and burnout are becoming increasingly common in our fast-paced, always-on work culture. This growing issue not only affects our productivity but also takes a significant toll on our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. If you’ve ever felt the weight of a hectic workday following you home, you’re not alone. However, there are simple habits you can incorporate into your daily routine to help alleviate these stresses and create a clear boundary between work and personal life. These habits can help you transition smoothly out of “work mode,” leaving space for rest, reflection, and rejuvenation. Here are five habits  to try at the end of your workday to stave off the negative effects of busy and hectic days: 1. Reflect on the Day: After logging off, take a few quiet moments to reflect on your day. Think about the highlights—what went well, what challenges you overcame, and any lessons you learned. Did you handle a tough situation with grace? Celebrate that. Did you learn something new? Acknowledge it. This reflection serves as a form of closure for the day, allowing you to process your experiences and make sense of them. It’s also an opportunity to express gratitude, even for small wins, which can shift your mindset to one of positivity and growth. 2. Disconnect from Work Email: Notifications follow us everywhere, so it’s crucial to establish boundaries between work and personal time. Commit to disconnecting from work emails, chats, and other communication platforms once your workday is over. This intentional boundary sends a clear message to yourself and others: your personal time is valuable. Letting go of work-related stressors during your off-hours not only prevents burnout but also allows you to fully engage in the other aspects of your life. 3. Engage in Physical Activity: Movement is a natural stress reliever, and incorporating physical activity into your post-work routine can do wonders for your overall wellbeing. Whether it’s a brisk walk in the neighborhood, a yoga session to stretch out the tension, or an intense workout to sweat out the day’s frustrations, the key is to find something you enjoy. Physical activity releases endorphins, the body’s natural mood boosters, helping you feel more relaxed and rejuvenated. It’s also an excellent way to signal to your brain that it’s time to transition out of “work mode.” 4. Mindful Transition Ritual: Sometimes, we need a clear cue to mark the end of the workday. A mindful transition ritual can be as simple or elaborate as you like. Change into comfortable clothes, take a shower, light a candle, play some calming music, or spend five minutes practicing deep breathing or meditation. The ritual acts as a mental and physical signal that the workday is over, allowing you to fully embrace your personal time. Over time, this routine can become a comforting and grounding practice that you look forward to each evening. 5. Plan for Tomorrow: Before you fully wind down, spend a few minutes organizing your thoughts for the next day. Write down your top priorities, outline key tasks, or jot down reminders. This simple act can help clear your mind and give you a sense of control over what’s coming next. By planning ahead, you’re creating a mental boundary that allows you to “close the loop” on today’s work. This reduces the likelihood of intrusive work-related thoughts interrupting your evening and helps you approach tomorrow with clarity and focus. Incorporating these habits into your after-work routine doesn’t have to be overwhelming or time-consuming. Small, consistent changes can add up, creating a ripple effect that improves not just your evenings but your overall sense of well-being. Work-life balance is not just about working less—it’s about living more fully. By prioritizing habits that nurture your mind and body, you can create space to unwind, recharge, and show up as your best self—both at work and in life. Which of these habits will you try tonight? Share your experiences and let’s continue the conversation about finding balance in a busy world.

The last week has been rough for a myriad of reasons, one of which includes the burial of my grandfather. With his passing, I have been in a place of deep contemplation and reflection, because death tends to have that effect on me. Since I could not make it to his funeral, I was able to view live on YouTube—thanks to modern technology. My uncle got up to the pulpit of the Roman Catholic Church where I did my First Communion, and gave a great eulogy about his deceased father. He said that my grandfather was a true master of many crafts and that he was able to provide for his family having never worked for another individual. He emphasized the importance of family to my grandfather and how all his efforts were directed to the well-being of his family. I felt like he was speaking and pouring into my soul, because over the last few months, I have been thinking about the direction of my career.   It seemed like I was searching for an answer and guidance and he provided it for me. In that moment, I also thought of my own father, his son, who always worked for himself. You see, I come from a paternal bloodline of very ambitious and creative individuals. What I have learned from them, is to go after what you want in this life. If you have been contemplating starting a business, have started one that hasn't generated much income, or have an established business that you are starting to question its purpose, I implore you to start asking your "Why?"  Examine whether the answer that once inspired, motivated, and carried you is the same answer. If not, how has it changed and are you prepared to make the necessary changes to get you on the path that you're seeking? I am a strong believer in knowing when to give up. Giving up on something is okay, especially when you are certain it is the right move for you. It is also okay to persevere for a dream, especially one that has lived within you for a long time. As you go into the beginning of your week, I say go with faith and with God (or whomever or whatever you believe in). We all at the end of the day answer to ourselves at some point, and I hope your answer will always be, "I gave it my all." Share moments in your life when you felt giving up was the best call or when you persevered. (Photo by Diane Simumpande)