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Jessica Pettway/Instagram About a week ago, I came across a video discussing the untimely death of beauty and style influencer Jessica Pettway at 36 years old. Jessica, it turns out was misdiagnosed with fibroids when in actuality, she had cervical cancer, the cause of her passing. I gasped in disbelief for so many reasons: this was preventable, because cervical cancer is treatable, two young children have become motherless, a husband lost his wife and a family is in mourning. I just want to know, " Who are the doctors who initially disregarded and dismissed her complaints until it was too late?" It is no coincidence that women of color seeking help do not always receive the level of care that they deserve even when their socio-economic status is higher than that of white counterparts. There is enough research to go around as to why this keeps happening, year after year, decade after decade and century after century. Instagram/Jessica Pettway I dug further into Jessica's case and who better than Jessica to tell her story. On July 31, 2023, Jessica in an Instagram post stated the following: "... a few months ago I received devastating news. I was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer." "Last June, I was having intense vaginal bleeding. And when I say intense, I mean I was literally bleeding out. I called around and asked other women if they experienced this before and majority of them said they have. I thought, well maybe this is a "normal" thing that women go through. I was experiencing extreme fatigue, weakness and just not feeling like myself. But again, I accepted this as a "normal" symptom that most women go through." "Well, on July 1st 2022 at 4am, my husband found me in the bathroom unresponsive and not breathing. I had literally passed away." "Fast forward to July 22nd, I was hospitalized again for the same thing. Again, the medical professionals treated it like it was not that alarming since it was just a "fibroids." "As I went in for my appointment, this doctor asked if she could just look down there first. She was the first to show some concern. I told her it was ok to check. It didn't take her long before she looked at me and said, she could not even see my cervix because it was blocked by a huge mass. She scheduled me an appointment with an Oncologist thay following week. On February 8th 2023, he performed an out patient biopsy on me. When I woke up from the anesthesia, he casually said, "yep you have stage 3 cervical cancer." It turns out, it was not a fibroid, but cancer. I was misdiagnosed all this time." This reads like a horror movie, except it happened Jessica and to many women alike. All of what Jessica says points to a bigger issue of women being socialized to normalize pain. We've also been conditioned to just "dealt with it" and accept being dismissed by those entrusted to care for us. For and women of color, the risks are even greater. While we may not be able to make drastic changes to a broken system, we can make small changes in how we interact with our health care system: Ask lots of questions when things are unclear. I can guarantee you I've annoyed quite a few doctors, but if something is unclear during a medical appointment, ask your doctor to explain so you fully understand. You should never leave an medical appointment not understanding how your diagnosis was arrived at. Ask if there are any other illnesses that match your symptoms. Explore all the possibilities of your diagnosis before accepting treatments prescribed by your doctor. Register for online medical records. You will be surprised by how many mistakes you will find in your medical records. Always read the doctor's notes after the appointment. Last year, I had an emergency room visit and explained the event that lead me there. While reading the doctor's notes, there were so many discrepancies in his description of what happened. Remember, you have the right as a patient to request changes be made due to inaccurate information on your file. You just need to catch it first. Ask the doctor to read you a summary of your visit before leaving. Piggy backing off of the previous point. This is a new one for me. I recently visited a doctor who at the end of the appointment read me his summary to ensure that he heard me. Wow! Mind blown. I had never experienced this before. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor to read his/her summary of the visit. Tell your doctor you'd like a second opinion. You are in charge of your health care, and you will only be doing your due diligence by getting another opinion. If your doctor seems annoyed by this decision, then you may need to consider getting another one. No patient should be guilted out of such a decision. You have the right to ensure the best outcomes for yourself. Keep speaking up until someone listens. Advocate for yourself. Your doctor knows the body, but they don't know how you feel in yours. If you feel that something isn't right, keep speaking up until someone listens. I've had to on many occasions and I hope you find the courage to do the same. My condolences to Jessica Pettway's family and I hope we can all continue to honor all the lives that have been gone too soon.

I hope you all had a great week. If you didn't, I hope your weekend will be better. This weekend, we're having friends over for a visit. I get to play with a cute baby. I feel like that is my sweet reward for this week. It is the last weekend before the solar eclipse. I hope you've gotten your glasses. I am super excited about it. We stopped by Warby Parker where we were able to get a few pairs for free. My 6 year old asked me, "Why is a solar eclipse important?" so I told her it is a rare occurrence. Though we may not be in the point of totality, we get to experience something spectacular. I also put on a video from YouTube to further explain the occurrence of a solar eclipse. I hope we can see Jupiter in the night sky before it becomes less visible. I hope we can do some self-care and maybe a little hiking. Fingers crossed. What are your plans for this weekend? (Photo: USA Today)

One morning when my older daughter was 5, I walked into the bathroom to help her put toothpaste on her toothbrush. She looked at me with her big brown eyes ready to ask a question. For about two weeks at that point, she has been talking and asking a lot about marriage, getting older and being a mummy or daddy. A few days prior, she said “I can’t wait to be six so that I can get married.” I said, “We’ll wait a while after six years old,” doing my best to contain my laughter. That particular morning’s question was, “Is Scar going to be a mummy when she grows up?” I responded, “If Scar wants to be a mummy, she can be a mummy.” Then she asked if her friend is going to be a daddy. I told her, “Only if he decides he wants to be a daddy.” Not too long after saying these words, I realized that I was normalizing choice over an imposition. Rather than simply saying, “Girls become mommies and boys become daddies,” I laid the groundwork for my daughter to know that she has a choice in her life. My only expectations for my children are that they are respectful, kind to themselves and others, they love themselves, have curious minds and have a love of learning. I don’t expect grandchildren. I don’t expect a specific profession, because I will not live vicariously through my children. I simply want that whatever they pursue in life, they love it. I want my children to look forward to family gatherings, rather than avoid them due to question like when are they getting married or having babies. That kind of pressure is insane and is possibly the cause of so many poor choices, just to fit into an ideal or expectation. It’s difficult to change mindsets, but let’s start normalizing responses like, “If he or she wants to, he or she will....” This sets the right tone for young minds. Be a daddy or mummy if you want to, not because someone else or the world expects you to.

About four years ago, I concocted a sugar free, matcha green tea latte cupcake recipe while my kids slept soundly. I needed something to focus on, other than keeping two people alive, so rather than take a nap like a normal parent, I decided to go slap around some sugar, eggs, flour and butter. Here is the end result of my neurosis. Matcha Latte Cupcakes: Cook Time: 18 minutes Yields: 12-14 regular cupcakes Ingredients 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature 1/2 cup honey 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 large eggs, room temperature 1 1/4 cups flour 1/4 cup matcha green tea latte mix 2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2 cup whole milk, room temperature For the frosting: From  All Recipes 2 3/4 cup confectioners sugar 6 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder 6 tablespoons butter 5 tablespoons evaporated milk 1 tablespoon vanilla extract Instructions Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and prepare one cupcake tin with liners. In the bowl of a stand mixer or a large mixing bowl, cream the butter and honey on a medium speed. Scrape the sides of the bowl, and add the eggs one at a time, beating in low until combined. Mix in the vanilla extract. This mixture will be very runny. In a separate bowl, combine the flour, matcha green tea latte mix, and baking powder. Stir on low until combined. Scrape the sides of the bowl. Scoop out mixture to fill the liners with about 2/3 mixture. Place in the center of the oven. When done allow the cupcakes to cool. For the frosting: To prepare the frosting, cream the butter in the bowl of a stand mixer. Add the confectioner's sugar, cocoa powder, and vanilla extract and mix on low. Add the evaporated milk a tablespoon at a time until incorporated. Increase the speed to medium until smooth and creamy. You can throw on some chocolate ganache if you’re in the mood, but they can stand on their own. Happy Tuesday. Give these cupcakes a shot and tell me what you think. Cheers.

My introduction to stuffed peppers was from a Ukrainian friend many years ago. It was simple, delicious and memorable. There are indeed many versions of this dish, but this one has done me well. This dish is not only gluten free, but iron rich with the inclusion of spinach. I hope you enjoy. Stuffed Peppers 2-3 servings You’ll need: 3 medium sized bell peppers 1 cup cooked white rice 1/2 - 3/4 pound ground meat 1 medium carrot, grated or shredded 1/2 cup chopped spinach, thawed 1 medium onion, diced thinly 2 garlic cloves, minced 1 tablespoon butter 3/4 teaspoons salt 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika For the sauce 1 small onion, diced thinly 1 tablespoon butter 1/2 cup tomato sauce 3 cups beef broth Dash of smoked paprika Salt and black pepper Garnish with diced fresh parsley Preheat the oven to 375F. Prepare the peppers: take a sharp knife and cut around the top of the pepper, removing the core, seeds and white membrane. Next, prepare the mirepoix for the filling. Melt the 2 tablespoons butter in a large frying pan over medium heat. Add the grated or shredded carrots, diced onion and minced garlic. Saute the mixture, not browning, for about 5 minutes, until the onion and carrot is tender. Transfer the mixture into a large mixing bowl. Add the rice and spinach to the same mixing bowl. Add in the seasonings, spices and herbs. Follow with ground meat. Using your hands, mix all the filling ingredients together for a few minutes, until a uniform mixture forms. Fill the peppers with the prepared filling, compacting the filling into the bottom of the peppers first. Arrange the stuffed peppers in a baking dish. Next, prepare the braising sauce. Using the same frying pan , melt the remaining 1 tablespoon of butter over medium heat. Add the diced onion and saute for 3 to 4 minutes until translucent. Deglaze the pan with a cup of beef broth, then add the tomato sauce and season the sauce with a generous amount of salt, black pepper, and a bit of smoked paprika. Bring the sauce up to a simmer and cook for a few minutes. Add the remaining 2 cups beef broth and bring to a simmer again. Pour the simmering sauce over the arranged stuffed peppers and sprinkle the top with more dill. The liquids will come up about a 1/3 to 1/2 way up the peppers; there is no need to add additional liquids. Cover the pan with a lid or foil and place into preheated oven. Bake at 375F for 1 hour and 30 to 45 minutes. Allow the peppers to cool for about 15 minutes before serving. Bon appetit!

This morning as I stood on my porch, I noticed that the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. I marveled at its beauty and the significance of its presence. All that ran through my mind was “ April showers bring May flowers .” I reflected on the amount of change that has happened in the last year and how joyful it makes me feel. I got to thinking, what is joy and how do we sustain it? Joy is more than a happy feeling Happiness and joy are often used interchangeably, but are two different things. Happiness is defined as deep pleasure in or contentment with one's circumstances . Therefore, happiness is influenced by external factors and can be fleeting. Joy on the other hand is a feeling or state of well-being and contentment . Joy is deep rooted and is cultivated internally. To experience joy, there has to be an overall sense of wellness and well-being in an individual. Happiness is an aspect of joy, but true joy does not require constant expressions of happiness. Joy is a discipline Yes. Joy is a discipline. You would never think about putting joy and discipline in the same sentence, but they go hand in hand. True spiritual joy can be experienced through the world around you, but it also requires shaping your thoughts in a way that increases your understanding of yourself and your purpose. As you increase your state of well-being through acts of self care, personal development and spiritual development, you solidify your joy. It requires maintenance in order to sustain it. Joy can weather storms And lastly, there is longevity in joy. Happiness is like a leaf in the wind. Joy is like a well-built house in a hurricane. After it is all said and done, there might be some broken glass, but the house is still standing tall. With a few repairs, it will be back to it’s full glory. Joy can exist in the absence of momentary feelings of happiness. Going through loss in whatever way it may manifest itself, a divorce, loss of a job, death of a loved one, your happiness may be lost, but it is still possible to have joy. In some ways, joy provides some hope that you will be okay. If your joy has taken a hit, know that it is possible to regain joy. Let the spark begin so that you can maintain and sustain it for a lifetime. What are your small acts of joy? How do you maintain your joy?

There are a couple of things that I thought I left in my teen years; glitter cosmetics, the idea of being friends after a break up and acne. Unfortunately that last one has been lingering with me like a bad breakup. I couldn’t drink enough water, cut out enough meat and dairy, try enough skin care regimens, or take enough vitamins and minerals to sway my genetic makeup. My unwanted house guest called hormonal acne has stuck around even now that I’ve started my fourth decade. It has been frustrating at times, but when I think of where I started, I know I am better than I was before. From puberty, every month has felt like Goundhog Day . It’s a neverending vicious cycle of breaking out, treating acne and not fully healing before a new breakout emerges. With few resources to treat my acne, I resorted to trying skin care products that should have never been allowed to exist in the first place, but none of it worked. I tried modifying my diet, but still, very little shift in results. I would constantly think, “When is this going to end?” Me in my 20s Well, it didn’t. So there I was in my twenties, spending thousands of dollars on skin care treatments and makeup. I committed to skin care regimens that would rival that of any Korean person dedicated to skincare. That diligence paid off. I had long periods where my skin was as smooth as a baby’s bottom with not a dark spot in sight, but eventually, all it took was one severe breakout to start the vicious cycle all over again. Despite the turbulence, I enjoyed my teens and my twenties. I did my best to participate in life and not let acne resort to me isolating myself. Then I hit my thirties right after I had my first daughter, I had the most insane breakouts of my life. I couldn’t seem to control anything g that was going on with my skin while breastfeeding, sleep deprived and navigating motherhood. When I speak of feeling devastated, this was the epitome of it. I have one picture in particular where I was wearing my newborn in a Bjorn and sitting in a swing. When I zoomed in the photo and saw my skin. I was devastated. The ebb and flow of acne has been exhausting physically, emotionally and socially devastating at times. Having to find the strength to navigate this very judgmental world has not been easy, but has been worth it. I had to believed that I am more important than the sum of all my breakouts and hyperpigmentation. I am worthy and I am loved. I have been blessed with friends, family, goals, hopes and dreams. I am more than just a face. Gone are are the days when I wore a full face of make up to go to the corner store. My skin care regimen is working and makeup is to amplify what I already have. I started venturing outside bare faced and beautiful somewhere around my mid to late twenties and it had been the best decision for my self esteem. As my confidence grew, I came up with this simple mantra, “ The world will just have to take what I give it.” If not, people are free to look away. Acne did not diminish the light in me. It didn’t taken away my desirability in every stage of my life. I love this face. It is what I present to the world in all its many versions. Acne helped me amplify the real me. Not depending on your looks can help foster the most amazing personality. I am smart, witty, funny, kind and I lead with empathy. The older I got, I realized that few people cared about my acne in the way that I did. The beauty they saw in me was me being my most authentic self and that was good enough for me. Have you ever dealt with any skin issues? How are/were you dealing with it?

Breakfast food is my favorite. I can have it anytime of the day and I will never be tired of it. So whether you’re making this for breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner, do me one favor, sit and enjoy. Breakfast 1 . An open-faced sandwich is always a treat. Toasted sourdough bread topped with a bed of sliced cucumbers, avocados, and tomatoes and a sunny side up egg. Sprinkle some of the Trader Joe’s Everything but the Bagel seasoning on top. Place a side of grapes and strawberries. Breakfast 2. Keeping with the theme of sourdough, another great choice is buttered sourdough toast and boiled eggs sprinkled with paprika. That can be served with a side of Greek yogurt topped with fresh mangoes—my favorite fruit—and sliced strawberries. I love drizzling it with a little honey. Breakfast 3. At this point, you can see another trend. Lots of vegetables. This beauty is piled high with tomatoes, avocados and spinach on top of eggs and toast. This is one of my absolute favorites, A dollop of spinach dip and everything is topped with a homemade lemon vinaigrette. Breakfast 4 . Another favorite is corned beef, which was a childhood treat. I enjoy it every chance I get. I use canned corned beef, heat it up on medium for a few minutes and top it with some mustard. I add two slices of delicious brioche, a side of sautéed spinach with sweet peppers and mandarins. Never goes wrong. Breakfast 5 . And finally tuna salad. Tuna salad on toast with avocado, spinach and cheese will always be a hit. Plate with a side of fruit and you’re set to go. Keep those fruits vegetables coming in as many breakfasts meals as possible. (All ingredients from Trader Joe’s except the corned beef)

What are your plans for the weekend? It’s been a long week for me. Between a sick child, and too many appointments, I barely made it to the end of the week with my head on, but I’m here. As you go into the weekend, I want you to remember something I have told myself from a young age. What people think of you is none of your business. This is not to say that some criticisms aren’t valid and that we can’t learn from those around us, but the opinions of others should not dictate the direction of your life, nor how you conduct yourself as an individual of great character and integrity. In someone’s story, you will always either be the villain or the angel. Yesterday, I was the villain to a guy who just quickly walked onto the crosswalk in the parking lot near Loews. I think he assumed I was going to knock him down, and shook his head as he walked past my car. Today I was the angel. I helped bag my groceries at Trader Joe’s, which I always do and enjoy. The cashier was so appreciative, gave me a one arm embrace and wished me a wonderful week. You can’t make everyone happy, but you can show kindness and respect to them. If this isn’t appreciated, keep it moving so that you can maintain your peace. That alone is priceless. Have a wonderful weekend of fun, laughter and joy, because you deserve it.

Originally written: April 25, 2023 I am a mother of two young children under 8 years old and I recently began a new position that requires a combined 11 hours of work and commuting in NYC. Before this position, I have worked both hybrid and remotely from the beginning of the pandemic until now. I made the decision to go back to the office full time primarily for financial reasons, but also because I was starting to experience a great level of isolation that came with parenting and working from home. I was ready for a change and I thought this would be a great idea. Unfortunately, I quickly regretted it, and I have decided that this will be my last position where I go into the office daily. Yesterday, I left the office at 5 p.m. and didn’t get home till almost 7 p.m. Today, I had to let the train that was packed to the brim head to Brooklyn while I waited exhausted, much like everyone on that platform, for the next one. My partner has now taken some of the childcare responsibilities while I work and it feels good to have more participation from him, but having never missed dinner to now missing dinner with my family, especially my children most nights is tugging at me. By the first week, my daughters asked me to go back to working from home. Like most kids who want to keep their parents to themselves, my children are having a difficult time with having less access to me. I miss them dearly, but I know this is a small sacrifice for bigger goals. Considering that we plan on getting out of the city to a suburban community, I am looking forward to creating even more balance in my life with hybrid or remote work. I am so grateful to be living in a time where people are pushing back and redefining what work looks like for them. I love what I do and I know it comes with a cost. I just know that the cost is not my well being, so for this reason, work in the future is remote or hybrid—3 days in the office maximum—in the near future. If I feel isolated this time, I’ll find a hobby, but I will treasure being able to contribute to society on my own terms with my well-being in tact. What is the ideal situation for you as a working parent? Update: I have since moved out of the city and reside in upstate NY, which I love. I am starting a career as a substitute teacher in the best interest of my family and I. I will talk more about moving from a career in human resources to education.